


Frayed threads and sharp edges

by Port_in_a_Storm



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Actual adult discussions, M/M, Mentions of Aaron's prison ordeal, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 02:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10912359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Port_in_a_Storm/pseuds/Port_in_a_Storm
Summary: As far as Robert was concerned, Finn owed Aaron a lot more than an apology, and he also thought that Aaron was well within his rights to throw that apology back in Finn's face. But his husband was nothing if not forgiving, and Robert knows that first hand.





	Frayed threads and sharp edges

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys :) This fic was inspired and gently pushed(!) by Nikki - turquoiseterrier, after a mini discussion about Finn and Aaron, and how we'd like an apology to go if Emmerdale ever go there to tie off all loose ends in this SL. (As with my last fic, I don't ignore the Incident.)
> 
> Happy reading :)

Robert parked outside the Mill and rested his head for a moment on the steering wheel. He'd just had a meeting in Hotten, and all he wanted; all he _needed_ was a drink and a few hours curled up on the sofa with his husband.

It was only the thought of Aaron inside the house and greeting him with a kiss that spurred him into movement, and he got out of the car. His shoes on the gravel driveway sounded a lot like home, and Robert smiled to himself. Home: with Aaron and Liv. 

'Rob! Robert!' 

He turned at Pete's voice, and raised a hand. 'Hiya, mate. Can't stop, Aaron's wai--'

'Aaron's freaking out, Robert!'

Robert froze. 'What?'

'In the pub. A panic attack… I dunno what happened.'

Robert dumped his briefcase beside the car and ran to the pub, all tiredness forgotten. He slammed through the door, and the sight brought him up short: Aaron curled in on himself on his knees, breathing harshly; raggedly, hands clenched on his chest, material bunched in his fist. Robert froze for a moment, but only a moment.

‘Aaron?’ He knew better now than to get too close, at least until he knew that Aaron recognised that it was _him_ and not someone from prison… or worse. ‘Aaron? Hey, it’s me, okay? You’re all right, Baby, you’re okay.’

‘I don’t know what happened!’ Robert didn’t have to look up to see who had spoken. Finn’s voice cut through everything like a knife. Robert clenched his fists, but didn’t spare him another thought. ‘He was fine. Or he was, anyway… Honestly, I don’t—’

‘Finn, shut up a second yeah?’ 

Robert owed Pete a pint.

‘Baby. Aaron, you’re okay. You’re in the pub, you’re safe. Can you look at me?’

Aaron’s breathing was still shaking, still trembling with each exhale. Robert heard little whimpers riding on the backs of his gasps in and out, and _god_ he wanted to hold Aaron. Wanted to let him know that he was safe.

‘Can you look at me, Aaron?’ he repeated, softly.

His husband raised his head. His eyes were red, streaming, pain falling from them. Robert’s heart hurt. ‘Rob?’ Aaron’s voice was weak.

‘Yeah. It’s me, Baby. You’re in the pub, okay?’

Aaron looked around, spotting everyone looking at him. He winced and his breathing picked up again.

‘No, no. Hey, look at me, okay. Just look at me for a minute.’ When he did, Robert smiled as best he could. ‘There you go. You know you love the view.’ Aaron’s lips twitched upwards and Robert considered that an achievement. ‘I’m gonna move closer, okay?’ His husband nodded, and even held out his hand when Robert, already squatting next to him, crawled closer. Robert took it and held it tight, as if _he_ were the one going through hell right now and needed Aaron as his lifebuoy. ‘That’s it, Baby.’ His voice wobbled. Aaron clenched his hand tighter and nodded at Robert: all reassurance and comfort. God, Robert didn’t deserve him.

‘Why don’t you move ‘im into the back room, eh?’ It was Pete again, like some kind of guardian angel. 

Robert nodded. ‘You’re okay to move, yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ Aaron stood on shaky legs, and Robert put his arm around his back, his hand holding on tight to Aaron’s waist. He’d only seen it this bad once before, recently at least. After Gordon, they were like this or worse. Something bad had to have happened to set him off like this. Robert felt eyes on them as they rounded the bar; he fully expected the pub to erupt into whispers once they’d disappeared into the back. Fuck them. Nothing else mattered but Aaron.

Aaron; who sunk onto the sofa and cradled his head in his hands, who looked and sounded so lost when he said, ‘I felt really scared.’

Robert’s heart broke. He put his arms around Aaron and held him close. ‘It’s okay,’ he promised. ‘Nothing’s gonna happen to you.’

Aaron shook his head. ‘I was… I was at the bar, getting a drink. And then there was—there was a hand on my shoulder and I just—I panicked, I—’

‘Sh sh sh. It’s okay. You’re safe, Aaron, I promise you’re safe.’

‘I wasn’t expecting it, and I thought it was him: Jason. I was back in prison again, and you weren’t there, and I started… I started feeling… I was scared and alone.’

‘You’re not alone anymore,’ Robert whispered. ‘You’re not. I’m here. I’m right here.’

He nodded. ‘Yeah.’ He sucked his lip into his mouth, then between his teeth and gnawed on it until Robert pulled it free. Then Robert pushed his hair back from his forehead and pressed a fierce kiss there. It was what he did now, when Aaron was feeling vulnerable or afraid: kiss his forehead or his temple, sometimes his cheek. It calmed him down, more than a kiss to the lips did when he was feeling like this. It worked: Aaron melted into Robert’s embrace, nuzzling into his white shirt. Warm tears soaked through to Robert’s skin, but he couldn’t care less. He just held his husband as tight as he dared.

‘Is he okay?’

Both men jolted at the voice from the doorway. Finn stood there, wringing his hands together, shifting from one foot to the next. Behind him, like a shadow, stood Pete looking over his shoulder. Robert felt the urge to stand in front of Aaron, to protect him from these prying eyes that had no right seeing him like this. But he also wanted to hold him, and that won out. 

‘Is Aaron okay?’ Finn asked again.

Pete cleared his throat when Robert didn’t say anything; when the awkward silence drew on a bit too much. ‘Finn realised it was probably him that set Aaron off,’ he said. ‘He patted him on the shoulder and Aaron… he collapsed.’

‘I didn’t mean—’

‘So it’s not enough that you put him in that place, now you’re making it worse?’ Robert spat.

Finn’s eyes widened. ‘That’s… that’s not fair.’

‘Isn’t it? If it weren’t for _you_ thinkin’ that you were protecting Kasim or whatever fucking _stupid_ idea you had in your head, Aaron wouldn’t have been in that place!’

Pete put a hand on Finn’s shoulder and moved into the room. ‘Hey, come on, let’s not make it worse eh?’

‘How the _hell_ could it be worse?!’

‘Robert.’ Aaron’s voice stopped Robert short. ‘Can we just go home?’

‘Yeah. Course we can. Come on.’ He helped Aaron to his feet, and didn’t look at either Barton brother as he led his husband from the pub and back to the Mill.

**** 

‘I don’t need you fighting my battles for me, Robert,’ Aaron said as they lay in bed. He had cried a bit more once they got back and were in the safety of their own home, but he’d calmed down enough after to lie down and take comfort from Robert. ‘I can take care of myself.’

‘I know you can,’ Robert said. He rubbed his chin against Aaron’s hair. ‘Finn just… if it wasn’t for him—’

‘No, if it wasn’t for my bed temper,’ Aaron said over him. ‘I know Finn called the police, but he wouldn’t have had to if I could control my temper.’

‘This isn’t your fault!’ Robert said. ‘And, yeah, okay, I know that’s why you’re going to counselling, but because Finn put you there you had to go through—’

‘I know what I had to go through, Robert, I was there!’ Aaron’s voice snapped like an elastic band, and Robert clamped his mouth shut. ‘I know what Jason did to me, you don’t have to remind me.’ He nuzzled closer to Robert despite his harsh words and voice, and Robert knew that he was angry and uncomfortable at the situation rather than Robert himself.

‘I know. I just want to protect you. And I can’t get to Jason, but Finn… he’s the reason, Aaron. Kasim wouldn’t have called the police. Finn is supposed to be your friend. Has he even apologised properly?’

Aaron shrugged. ‘No. But… well, I haven’t either. I haven’t apologised for what I did to Kasim.’

‘No, but you did pay for it. Finn, he got a holiday to Australia and was allowed to just move on with his life.’

‘Not everyone pays for what they do.’ Robert flinched. Katie, Andy, Chrissie, Rebecca, Lawrence, Aaron himself. All those people he’d wronged. He’d paid for them in some ways, but maybe not enough. Aaron pushed himself up onto his elbow and studied Robert’s face. Then he leant down and kissed him softly. ‘I didn’t mean anything by it,’ he murmured. ‘I’m just sayin’… sometimes people _don’t_ pay, you know?’

‘It feels like you pay enough for all our mistakes put together.’ Robert shook his head. ‘It’s not fair; that you suffer so much. You’ve been through enough. _That’s_ why I want to protect you.’

Because the universe just didn’t seem to be on Aaron’s side.

**** 

Robert saw Finn and Pete in Bob’s café the next day. When Bob saw them, he rounded the counter. ‘All right, gents, let’s just take it easy, yeah?’ Apparently word had got around about Aaron’s attack yesterday. Sometimes, it was a village full of gossiping snakes.

Finn stood up and faced Robert. God knows what he saw there; Robert was _livid_. He wanted to throw a set of keys at Finn’s face and tell him to just leave; to get out and never terrorise Aaron again.

‘I’m so sorry about yesterday,’ he said.

‘It’s not me you should be apologising to,’ Robert said. ‘About any of it.’ He took a menacing step closer to the younger man, and out of the corner of his eye caught Pete standing as well, though not shoulder to shoulder to Finn like Robert would have expected. ‘Do you have _any_ idea what he went through in there?’

Finn shook his head. ‘No, but it must have been bad, from what happened the pub.’

“Bad” was an understatement. What Aaron had been through was horrific, but Robert didn’t tell Finn that. It wasn’t his place to say anything. 

‘Aaron deserves an apology,’ Pete said. ‘Like I said, if I’d been there, I’d have done the same, mate.’ Robert spared Pete a glance and a nod. He had to leave, before he said something he’d regret; before he told Finn exactly what he was responsible for. 

**** 

Aaron was alone in the portacabin when Finn knocked on the open door and peered round at him. His shoulders stiffened. ‘What?’ he asked.

‘Look, Aaron, I—I know what I did was… I shouldn’t have called the police on you. I’m sorry.’

Aaron’s eyes narrowed. ‘Has Robert had a go at you again?’ When Finn shuffled awkwardly, Aaron sighed. ‘It’s all right. He’s just… being Robert. I owe you an apology, too. On Kasim’s behalf.’

Finn shook his head wildly. ‘No, no! You don’t owe me anything!’

‘Maybe not, but…’ he shrugged. ‘I know that I have a temper. If I hadn’t acted the way I did, you wouldn’t have had a reason to call the police. But even that was a chain reaction from other things.’ His nerves were still frayed, thinking about that night and his and Robert’s enraged, acidic argument and then again thinking about how far they had pushed each other whilst Aaron was in prison. But he had forgiven Robert, and he had wronged him far worse than Finn ever had. ‘We’re mates, Finn. Or we’re supposed to be.’ Finn looked down at his hands, clearly ashamed at his actions.

‘I didn’t realise how bad it was in prison for you,’ Finn said. ‘I mean, I know that gay blokes… they get a whole tonne of shit thrown at them, but—’

‘I wasn’t just targeted because I’m gay,’ Aaron said. He scratched his eyebrow. ‘But I don’t want to get into all of it.’ Not without Robert here; not without the safety that his husband provided close by.

‘No, ‘course.’ 

‘I’m not sayin’ that things will be the same,’ Aaron said. ‘Sometimes things reach a certain point and you can’t forget about them. But we’ll try to move on, yeah?’ Just like he and Robert had—difference was that Robert and he shared a bond that held them deeper than any force in the world. Aaron and Finn didn’t have that. Things would either fix themselves or they wouldn’t. And Aaron was fine with that.

****

When Robert returned home that afternoon, he didn't know what to expect. Aaron had seemed quiet and morose over the phone when he'd called to let him know he was on his way back. He had hated leaving him that morning, knowing that he’d be in Hotten for most of the day tying up the last few deals from the meeting yesterday. But Aaron had pushed him; had wanted things to be as normal as possible. Robert had had to resist the urge to call him or text him every half hour to make sure he was okay. His husband wouldn’t have appreciated it, no matter what kind of place it would have come from.

‘Aaron?’ he called.

‘Up here.’

He walked up the winding staircase and found Aaron sitting in their bed. ‘Hey,’ he said. ‘You all right?’

‘Yeah. Finn came to the scrapyard today, apologisin’ for what he did.’ Aaron let his head fall back with a long exhale. ‘I told you I didn’t need you to fight my battles for me.’

‘I know you did.’ He sat beside Aaron, his legs off the bed, his body twisted around so that he could see his husband. ‘I saw Finn and Pete at Bob’s. I just couldn’t help it.’

Aaron nodded. ‘I get it. I think I’d be the same if it was you. If Jack was still around…’ he shook his head. ‘I told him that we have to try to move on. Finn _is_ a mate. He just got carried away with Kasim, I guess.’

‘You forgave him?!’

‘Yeah.’ His tone brooked no arguments. ‘It wasn’t his fault, Robert. Everything just kind of got on top of me. Got on top of both of us.’ He shook his head and his voice softened. ‘But I don’t want to go through all that again. We’ve talked about that, yeah?’

“All of that” being everything with Rebecca, every insecurity that Aaron held about Robert’s sexuality and their history. They’d talked for hours, fell apart and melted back into each other again. Robert didn’t deserve Aaron’s forgiveness, and maybe Finn felt the same. He nodded. ‘Yeah. Okay.’

Aaron crawled across the bed and hooked his hand over Robert’s thigh. ‘We’ve got an empty house for now,’ he said. ‘And I’m tired of talking.’

Robert smiled and gave into the kisses that Aaron pushed into his lips. He’d never known a man like Aaron, and had never known a bond like the one they shared.

**Author's Note:**

> Come have a nosy on tumblr!: [Port in a Storm](http://www.portinastorm.tumblr.com)


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